Please take 2 minuets to read this :(?

When I was little I would come home to bad fights and my mom would end getting really hurt like with something broke and i would help her. She turned so hateful to me. She had breast cancer and would drink every night. She made me won't to kill myself. �I've tryed 3 times and it hasn't worked. I've cut myself before but I won't do that again because that was stupid. My brother is 16 and im 12 and when I was 8 he raped me over 10 times. I didn't say no because I didnt know what was happening. But I didn't say yes. I just didn't know what to do! And now he beats me and abuses me mentally and physically. He would abuse me in front of my mom and she wouldn't do anything because shes scared of him to. I thought if she was gonna hurt me and let him hurt me then why is she still living because she's not doing her job. She told me to go to hell right before she died on valentines day this year. Now I regret everything and I miss her. I don't know why though. I feel like it was all my fault. Now I have a boyfriend and im in love with him. I will do anything for him. And sometimes he takes advantage of that. I guess I'm just so desperate for love that I don't care. I regret the things I've done with him. Im scared. I know when I get older that imma feel stupid for letting all this happen but right now it doesn't even matter. Ive never told anyone anyof this. At school I get in trouble and I get in a lot of fights just because that's the only way to release all of my anger. I wear alot of make up to cover all the scars. And it workes because no one would ever guess I've been through all this. My question is what should i do? Isn't it to late to tell anyone? It's not like they could change the past. But I know I can't live with this as a secret forever. Was that even rape? If I told someone my brother would �kill me. What should i do? Ive never been to a doctor are anybody that u could talk to like this. What should I do? :(