Is it me or is it him?! Am i losing my boyfriend of 5 years?

Seek counseling for yourself if not for both of you. Your issues are too complex for untrained people. You will only find opinions and gossip on this forum. You need professional counseling. Seek counseling from a church minister if need be. Look on the internet for counseling in your area. Many of these agencies will provide services for little or no money based on your income ability. Do this. It may help you solve this.